None of us achieves our goals or dreams alone. We look to our coworkers, employees, employers, managers, leaders, clients, customers, family and friends for assistance, ideas, encouragement, and advice. They look to us for the same. The question is: Why can it be so difficult to ask for help?
We’ve all been there. We’ve all needed help and wished someone would see our need and feel compelled to fill it. We do so much for others without asking for anything in return and wish our efforts would be validated when we need assistance. However, this is not practical as other people do not read our minds, if we need advice or assistance we need to state our need and get specific about it.
That is not to say that a very small segment of the population can be micro-focused enough to see when someone needs help and be able to make things easier without being prompted – but, as you have probably observed throughout your life, it is not the norm.
So, why don’t people ask for help? Reasons like:
- Fear
- Pride
- Being Overwhelmed
- Confusion
The most effective course of action to get support is knowing what you want, being prepared for help, and asking for help.
- Know what you want – This seems simple – but is it? You may know you want help cleaning the house, and you likely have a running list in your head of the chores that could be done. In order to ask for help, your recruits will need to know which chores need to be covered and what your expectations are for their completion. The more specific you are about what you need, the better.
- Be prepared for help – Before you ask, be prepared. Have what you need on hand for the people supporting you. Do you need any physical items to get the help you need? Will the people supporting you need resources in order to help out? Know what is needed to get the job done and be ready with it when the time comes. You may have a running list in your head of what it takes to get the task completed, but that info has got to be transferred to the people helping.
- Ask for help – Be direct. This doesn’t mean being forceful, bossy, or rude. Just be direct. “I need help getting Sarah to school on Tuesday morning. Would she be able to catch a ride with you if I have her ready to go at 7:00 am?” In this scenario, you are stating what you want, specifying that you will have your daughter ready at a very specific time, and being direct about what you need for support. All the bases are covered.
When life feels overwhelming, we may need a hug – and we will certainly need help. Confusing the need for emotional support with material support can be dangerous. If you need help, understand that people can’t read your mind and will likely be supportive if you know what you need, are prepared for them to help, and you ask them directly for their help.
The fear of having a conversation can stop you in your tracks.
As we were writing our book ‘Revolutionary Conversations: The Tools You Need for the Success You Want‘ we realized again and again that the simple approach never failed to amaze us. By being clear in your needs/wants/desires you and those around you can easily embrace change, move through challenge and build a bridge with others to create more opportunities with less confusion.
How can we help YOU?